Happy Valentine’s Day or Why Love “Spells” Are A Bad Idea

Every once in a while, someone comes to me and says, “I’m in love with ____, but they don’t love me. What can I do?”

I sympathize. I think everyone does. We’ve all been in that situation when we are deeply and madly in love with someone and he or she doesn’t love us. But there is nothing you can do to make someone love you.

I’ve had people ask, “Can’t you just do a love “spell” for me?”  I always say no and escort the person out. Because, putting aside all the deep ethical issues of that level of stupid, love spells  are coercive and the feelings  they evoke aren’t real.

One of my first “fixer” jobs was a woman came to me and said, “I really liked this guy, he’s got a good job and he’s kind of nice, so I did a love spell on him. Now he won’t leave me alone. He follows me everywhere; he monitors my calls; he bothers my friends with his questions. He beat up a guy that just said hi to me.  What do I do?” I talked to the guy she had done the spell on. He was totally convinced that she was his soul mate, his one and only.

But once she removed the spell (I showed her how, but she was the one that had to do the work), he couldn’t believe he had thought those things about her. She had several flaws that he couldn’t live with. Why would he be in love with her?  Despite the fact he was exhibiting obsessive, abusive, stalker behavior, she was disappointed after taking the spell off. She thought he might have loved her a little.

You can not make anything, not man or woman, ancestor, spirit or god, love you. You can persuade them to desire you or like you. But love is a much more complex give and take. And it has to be mutual and given, not persuaded or coerced.

For those of you out there that are in love with someone that doesn’t love you; I’m sorry. That’s a position that is painful in all kinds of ways. The best advice I can give you is to love yourself enough to find someone that does love you.

Your mileage will most certainly vary.

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